he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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