remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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