i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
