the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
