i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
