So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
