..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
