Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
