My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize