Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
