My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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