i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
