I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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