I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
