I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please don't give away my fajitas
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
