I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
two words: eviction party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
