I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
