my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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