i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
