I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
