So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
