I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she smelled like a LAN party
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
