"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
