i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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