He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
