I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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