i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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