I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
