She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
