She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
