I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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