do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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