it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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