my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You may now shotgun with the bride
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
