I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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