he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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