I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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