Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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