Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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