"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
