oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
