....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
