areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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