I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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