dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
