At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
