I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
