after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
