i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
