I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
