Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
