Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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