Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
