lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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