his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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