Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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