Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
