I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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