wat bout pragnant strippers??
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
