I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
