So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm passing your future prison.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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