Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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