update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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