I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
