It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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