Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
