I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
