The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What a dumb baby whore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
