you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
