she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We need to rekindle our bromance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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