I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
