i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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