I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
