I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
