my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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