Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
