The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
