And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
