Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
