Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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