just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
